Weaponized Incompetence

 Hi guys!

    Lately on my Tik Tok, I’ve seen a lot of videos discussing/responding to videos posted by women in heterosexual relationships. In these types of videos, the woman laughingly recalls how her male partner messed up something she’s usually in charge of. For example, it might be about how he changed their kid’s diaper wrong, or used the wrong laundry detergent, or, I don’t know, almost gave their kid arsenic because he doesn’t know which bottle labels correspond to which. The severity of the mistakes range depending on the videos, but the bottom line tends to be that they’re comedic, with the women laughing over the men’s ‘sweet’ but failed attempts to take on traditionally female-tasks. However, other groups on Tik Tok do not find these videos so funny. Many responded to them in frustration, saying that men in these relationships are perfectly capable of learning how to do these tasks, but don’t because they’d rather just leave it to the women. Hence the term often used in these videos: weaponized incompetence. These gendered tasks are not rocket science–in fact, traditionally female tasks (such as cooking, cleaning, and child rearing) are often categorized as easier or more simple in gender roles than those given to men (construction, yard work, and working–though that doesn’t really apply nowadays). So, these examples of husbands or boyfriends not being able to perform these tasks does not stem from their own inherent stupidity, it comes from their unwillingness to do the chore/job, which is why it is pawned off on their partners. And since this gendered division of tasks is so normalized, the women making the videos don’t seem to have a problem. Of course, due to the amount of backlash and discussion this genre of Tiktok has created, it’s clear that many people are bothered by it, and in my opinion–as they should be! Of course, weaponized incompetence is not strictly used by men in heterosexual relationships–anyone can do it (brothers, sisters, children, etc.). I just noticed this particular trend and connected it with the term, since it seems to be its most prevalent manifestation.

    And, of course, weaponized incompetence does not only occur in romantic or familial relationships. Another place where I see it happening a lot is actually at school. Just this year, I was in a group project where we had to compile our research onto a poster. In a period where the only thing we needed to work on was the poster, the boys in my group pushed the task onto me and the other girl in the group, saying: “Girls are better at drawing, right? You guys handle the poster.” Now, the fact is, I am actually abysmal at drawing. Not being modest, I’m genuinely awful. So this stereotypical assumption was completely wrong when applied to me, and it was pretty clear that the reason they did it was to get out of the work for that class period. The only way I could get them to work was to color in certain bubble letters I drew, and I had to guide them even in that simple task. I’m not saying all men at the school (or just in general) do this by any means, it’s just a trend I’ve noticed on numerous occasions, and it gets frustrating when that trend puts more work and expectation on your own gender despite being completely separate from any inherent biological advantage. 

    Here’s a link to learn a bit more about weaponized incompetence in relationships–with a couple of Tik Tok examples. 

https://www.purewow.com/wellness/weaponized-incompetence#:~:text=LaSov%3A%20Weaponized%20incompetence%20refers%20to,that%20task%20in%20the%20future.